I've been trying to write more, as of late. Not just for school, but for personal reasons, as well. It's sort of nice to get back to it after so long, but I think my expectations for myself are hindering me in this. Even with CNF, it's difficult. It's not enough, I think, to tell something accurately, but to tell something well. Rather than to present facts, one should present the emotions and what happened and do all that...well, creatively, obviously.
I don't think I'm able to do that well. It's an issue for me, not wanting to write or not writing or not thinking I should write because of that. The most frustrating part, though, is that I can't pinpoint my weaknesses in writing. I can look at my writing and I can read it, sometimes without cringing, but I can't look at it and know what's bad, all I know is that it's not good. It's not what I want it to be. If I were an artist, it might be easier, because then I could look at it and compare it to a mental image, the thing I'm basing my work off of, but with this, there isn't anything I can do, it feels like.
No matter what I write, it's not good enough. No matter how many times I write it, it's not good enough. No matter how much I edit, it's not good enough.
Stephen King once said that you can make a great writer out of a good writer, but not a great writer out of a mediocre writer. I'm afraid to know where my ceiling is.
Stephen King and his scary clowns and langoliers makes books and money and movies and mini-series. He does NOT make ceilings. You'll have to contact a roofer or a mason or even just someone who puts up drywall.
ReplyDeleteYou were a kid once, right? Right. I know you were, I read about it.
Were you as good of a writer then as your are now? I'm going to guess no. There was a point in time where the letters L M N O and P were all one single word to you, as they were to all of us.
We never stop growing as people. We never stop growing as writers. A mediocre writer may not be great tomorrow or in 3 years, but if he works at it there is no one to tell him that he can't.
You have no ceiling, MJ. None.
You are better now than you were when you were 6, better than when you were 13. How about last year? I'd be willing to bet that you are better now than when you were last year alone.
As long as you seek and stride for that improvement, you'll get it.
I frequently have the same fears. I feel like it's never good enough. Sometimes it can be 'done', but never good enough.
Unfortunately, like the girl that your little boy will fall in love with, it might never be good enough in your eyes. But it could be 'done.' And you have to let it go and let your readership decide if it is good enough.